If you know me, you know that I am the proverbial learning sponge and I just can’t get enough. Well, lately, synchronicity has kicked in and things have turned on themselves a bit. I’m going back and rethinking and expanding on modalities and techniques I’ve used for years. It’s had my head in the clouds and my body in a cave (that would be my condo) and there’s a sense that all of the seemingly divergent things I love are being drawn together quite naturally and obviously—now that I can see it—into a cohesive expression of me. Who knew!
Part of that process has been making peace with the past in new ways—ways I didn’t think I needed to. The good news is that it’s a gentle and fun process today. However, I want to share a little of what it looked like when I was trying to break free.
The image is of a “poem” I wrote for a little creative writing class I took over 20 years ago. I found it a few months ago when I was doing the big huge—and hopefully last—clearing out of stuff. It was written about a year after my dad had died (an important story I’ll share another time). My mom pretty much checked out, which left me as the only child to handle everything. So, as was my way, I packed up all my feelings and locked them away and did what I had to do. Unfortunately—or fortunately—my personal River of Denial was already overloaded, and after a few months, things started leaking out. I got angry. I got sad. And somewhere in the middle of it all, I started allowing the real me to speak up through writing again. Of course, I swore none of it was about me, it was just for class…(sigh). Here’s the first half of the poem:
Basic instincts all declined
No inner voice to tempt my mind
I live a life but it’s not me
I’m locked away but none can see
The lessons learned so quick and well
What not to feel, what not to tell
That’s a pretty clear snapshot of where I was at the time—just going through the motions and deeply unhappy about it. There’s an awareness of what I was doing and why, but there’s just no way around the bleakness of it. In spite of that, I still had hope that I might find the courage to take responsibility for my choices and make different ones. I’m pretty sure I didn’t plan for it take as long as it did.
Basic instincts I must find
The inner voice will come in time
The mold in which my soul is cast
Is begging to be free at last
To roam with freedom where it may
To be who I should be some day
I don’t really know what else to say about it. I figure it will speak to you if it needs to. Still, it seems to need a resolution. The first part details the problem and the second seems to hope for what might happen, but it begs the question “Did it?” Here’s what I would add to the poem today:
Basic instincts were always mine
I followed my heart and freed my mind
I live a life made just for me
With purpose, passion and integrity
I found much more than I ever dreamed
When I ventured beyond the safe and seen
Find the courage to look behind the curtain and face your own truth, then go where your soul is calling you and live your joy!
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I would love to have you join me in one of two 3-Day Life Transformation Retreats for Women this year! You can choose fabulous beach time in Florida or experience the ancient healing properties of the natural thermal springs and huge quartz crystal deposits in Arkansas. Two fabulous venues! Click HERE to get see more details and a general schedule of activities:
Destin in December is coming fast! Plan your getaway to Florida and come home with a new perspective and a December 13-15. This is limited to only five women and includes meals and lodging. All you have to do is get there. Several airports nearby and it is an easy drive from a lot of areas. Last year we had carpool options from Arkansas, so think about friends who might want to go and make a total girls vacation!
Spa City in November! Last year I had several people ask if I would do the workshop in Hot Springs, Arkansas. I will and I am! It’s scheduled for November 15-17 and includes meals. If you need lodging, I’ll send you a list of options to consider. Schedule an extra day to go dig for your own crystals and then soak in the thermal springs downtown!
There are so many ways to become more fully you and I would love to help you find what resonates with you!