I got a call yesterday from a group asking me to participate in their organization in a leadership role. I was honored to get the call, but my immediate reaction was NO! Actually, you can add a few expletives to that because I assure you I thought them.
Oh, I admit, a few “should” thoughts raced through my mind, but they didn’t stick. I knew my truth. While it might be a “good cause,” it wasn’t my good cause—I have my own priorities. So, I honored myself and kindly and respectfully declined. I didn’t leave any gray areas. I said what I meant—no.
How many times do you say yes when you really want to say no? And when you say yes anyway, how do you feel? What do you do? Do you:
- Fulfill your obligation with a smile
- Do it, but resent every second of it
- Make up excuses so you don’t have to follow through
- Pretend you forgot and then apologize later
- Tell the person the truth and respectfully get out of it
Not many people are willing to tell the truth. Why? There’s really only one answer—they’re afraid of what will happen if they do. They’ve got something to lose. It could be losing the friendship, a job, being a “good” person, status in the community or even acceptance by family.
Whatever it is, until you are willing to lose it, you won’t ever be willing to speak your truth about it.
Now, I’ll be honest with you. You WILL lose things by speaking your truth. So, if your job depends on doing things you don’t want to, you better be operating on Option A above.
However, doing things so people will like you or be your friend is a different thing. If you start saying no—and stop doing what you’ve always done—you may find your usefulness to them is over. But don’t take it personally. It was never about you—only about what you could do for them.
Of course, to be fair, you were getting something out of the deal too. There was a payoff for doing things you didn’t want to. Maybe you felt needed, felt like you belonged, gained status, felt approved of or valued, you name it. In some way, you had a need met. And, at least for a moment, it kept you from feeling something you didn’t want to—feeling left out, unlikable, unworthy, undeserving, lost, alone.
We’ve all felt those things—and we’ve all done whatever we could to keep from feeling them. But the bottom line is pretty simple:
You have to be honest with yourself before you can ever be honest with anyone else.
If you aren’t willing to admit why you get yourself into situations you don’t want to be in, you’re going to stay stuck doing things you don’t really want to do.
There is a way out. It won’t feel good at first. In fact, if will feel really awful. Do it anyway. Tell the truth. You don’t have to be mean about it or go into detail, just speak what’s true for you.
And, the more you do it, the easier it gets. There’s also a built-in bonus. Because you’re honoring yourself, others will too.
*****
I’ve heard from so many people that there’s a feeling of change in the air–something’s coming. It seems to come from many perspectives too–astrological, shamanic, religious, you name it. But whatever name we put on it, the result in our individual lives is that we feel it. It doesn’t feel ominous, but it does feel big. We are on the cusp of something.
Maybe it is breaking through to a higher perspective and understanding. Maybe we’ll be compelled to live in this world in a different way–a way that’s compassionate, peaceful and kind.
But we have to each do our part. And getting your own old junk out of the way is essential.
You know I’m here to help–to help you open your own doors. To empower you with the tools to keep expanding your higher awareness–and your heart.
We all need guides along our journey to help us see what we can’t. I’m here to help.
You may be surprised how easy it to start moving forward!